GotSchmucked.com

Chattanooga police foiled a shoplifting duo’s attempt to steal a cart full of TV’s and a computer from a local Wal-Mart.  According to a news release, an off duty police officer saw a man attempting to force his cart full of electronics past a greeter.  When the officer displayed his badge, the suspect declared it was fake and attempted to continue his escape.  The officer then tackled the suspect and arrested him. 

Meanwhile while the suspect was being arrested, the suspect’s wife attempted a “Sanford and Son” fake heart attack.  When a witness told police that the wife (a.k.a. fake heart attack victim) was seen with the suspect in the store previously, the wife followed the witness out of the store and attacked the witness.  The witness defended herself and stabbed the wife with a pocket knife.

Perhaps the shoplifting duo was auditioning for the people of Wal-Mart?

Link to story

“A drunk flasher who exposed her breasts to passing motorists was hit by a car whose driver she distracted.”

Really?  Who would have thought that would happen?

 

Link to full story

Alexander Alhovsky, a clown (his working profession, and not necessarily a description of his character traits) has sued the New York Police Department for physical and mental injuries.  

Apparently My Alhovsky was arrested when he returned to a Starbucks to retrieve a balloon inflator that he left there.  Starbucks employees called police to report a suspicious package (the balloon inflator) and police subsequently called the bomb squad to investigate.  Police released the clown after a search of his home found nothing suspicious.  A jury sided with NYPD against the excessive force case.

Link to Full story

 

Apparently, this mother (56) is still teaching her daughter (35) some life lessons.  Too bad it’s about how to steal from a 9 year-old.   Fortunately the Assistant District Attorney in Bedford PA thinks that this “shameful conduct deserves to be met with shameful punishment.”  The duo agreed to stand outside the Bedford County Courthouse with signs proclaiming the guilt of their crimes for 4 and ½ hours to avoid jail time.  The signs say “I stole from a 9 year-old on her birthday! Don’t steal or this could happen to you!”

Just reward for a schmuck duo!

Link to full story

Every thief knows that if you are going to commit a crime, it is a good idea to have a disguise.  However, this clueless pair didn’t have the typical bandana handy, so they improvised with a permanent marker…  “Scribble…Scribble…Scribble… that should do it.. what do you think?  Gee, I don’t recognize you… now let me borrow that marker and I’ll put on my disguise…”

Dumb Schmucks!

Link to Full Story

Authorities have filed charges against a Costco auditor for filing phony travel expenses.  A police investigation has led to charges against a 40 year old man who allegedly embezzled $60,000 over a 18 months by filing expense reports for 69 business trips during the 18 month period.  The defendant initially agreed to meet with a police detective to discuss the case, but said he first had to go to the bathroom.  Instead he left the building.   He later called his Costco supervisor and “was frantically stating he did not want to go to prison.”  The supervisor asked the defendant to return to the office to discuss the matter, but he refused.

Link to story

Police in Alabama have arrested a woman for having her 13 year old daughter ride in a cardboard box atop her van.  The woman has been charged with endangering the welfare of a child and the child has been turned over to a relative.  Police say that the woman claimed ‘the box was too big to fit inside the van, and she (the daughter) would be able to hold it down (on top of the van) if she was inside the box.” The woman told police that the child was safe because she had secured the box to the van with a coat hanger.

Link to story…

A war history buff has a bit of explaining to do to with his neighbor.   Specifically why he fired a 2 lb cannon ball through his neighbors house!

I bet this one will be difficult to explain to the insurance company….  I think his rates will be going up soon. 

Link to story…

“Police in northeast Tennessee say Scott Gibson isn’t the deputy director of the CIA – and he’d have to pay his $75 speeding fine even if he were.”

It happens to us all sooner or later in life… seeing those blue lights flashing behind you.  Your heart begins to race and you get that sick to the stomach feeling.    Some people get so nervous or mad that they don’t think straight.  Clearly we have few lessons to learn from this schmuck who wasn’t quite with it when he mailed back his speeding-cam citation with a hand written note claiming he was immune from the fine because he was the deputy chief of the CIA.

Lesson 1:  No matter how mad you are about a ticket or citation, think twice before impersonating a federal law enforcement official.

Lesson 2: $75 is expensive for a ticket, but a lot less expensive than a night in jail and federal charges…

Lesson 3: If you mess with law enforcement you can expect to have the book thrown at you! 

Source: Victoria Advocate